literature

Nico Learns What Daddy deals with at Leblanc

Deviation Actions

Published: May 13, 2017

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Literature Text

Nico Learns What Daddy deals with on a Normal day at Leblanc

NicoBel Bizzel-kun the Dino-shizzel stood behind the counter of Leblanc, cleaning a coffee cup like how a bartender cleans a beer mug. Daddy Sojiro said he had to go out and, “do someone,” so he needed Nico to stay and run the shop while he was out for the day.
He didn’t mind, the Phantom Penguin Thieves had already stolen Madarame’s heart so they were just waiting for him to have his change of heart. In the meantime, everyone was doing their own thing. Ryuji was busy training, Ann was modeling, Yusuke was painting nudes, even Morgana was doing something, avoiding the neighbor’s cat who wanted to mate with him.
So, Nico was alone for once….
….Well, not exactly alone.
There had been only one customer today so far, and she was still here even after ordering a normal latte 4 hours ago.
Nico looked over at the booth where his school president, Makoto, was sitting. She was still hiding her face behind the magazine with the P3 and P4 protags on it. That wasn’t her only disguise, as she had a pair of fake spiral glasses with a big fake nose and fake moustache. If she believed Nico wouldn’t recognize her in that, she was clearly mistaken. He even remembers seeing her the other day when he went and saw Cake Man. She scares him
Nico sighed, he was so bored. He loved his new daddy but when there were no customers, his day just dragged on, being wasted like when Morgana wouldn’t let him do anything before going to bed for those few days.
‘Isn’t there anything interesting going to happen today?’
At that moment, the door opened.
“Oh thank demon lord,” Nico mumbled. “Hello, how can I-.”
Nico stopped, looking at the man in front of him. For the most part he looked normal, wearing a dress shirt, vest and tie. But what stood out to him was his white hair, and red colored Cyclops visor.
“Greetings dull high school student. I am Godot, the sexiness motherfucker in the world,” he said.
‘My God,’ Nico thought. ‘He is so damn sexy.’
“Anyway, I need an extra-large strong dark cup of coffee to go, blacker then a moonless night and darker the darkest heart,” Godot ordered.
“Okay, would you like cream or sugar?”
“If that stuff even touches my coffee, well…”
Godot turned towards the door, his visor glowing red before firing a laser blast outside the door. A faint ‘WHY ME???!!!’ could be heard in the distance.
“That, that will happen.”
Both Nico and Makoto think they just pissed their pants at that.
“However, I need, the stuff in it,” Godot commented.
Nico was confused. “What stuff?”
“Hehe, naïve kid, the special stuff.”
Nico didn’t understand, until he looked down and noticed the laser firing prosecutor was tapping on the counter, pointing at a certain place in it. Nico went over and found a small secret compartment under the counter. Opening it he found a note saying:
‘The special stuff, hidden in the back of the top most shelf, used as a good pick-me-up, don’t give to children’
He closed the drawer and walked over to the coffee bean shelves, going to the shelf in question. Pushing a few bean jars to the sides, he found a few jars with some sort of white powder labeled ‘The Special Stuff.’
“How much do you want?”
“I need about a cup of it,” was Godot’s reply.
Nico just shrugged and got to work making his order. After a few moments it was done.
“Here’s your, special cup sir,” Nico said, handing over the ridiculously sized cup over to him.
Godot picked up the cup and immediately started to chug a good portion of it down, already a third of the way down.
“AAaaahhh, that’s a good cup kid. You have the potential to be a great barista someday. Now, I am off. Farwell,” Godot said, leaving the restaurant.
Nico looked down, seeing he left a huge pile of money on the table. Makoto’s eyes were wide at the pile.
‘Holy balls, money in the bank, just what did he drank?’ she thought.
Nico didn’t seem to mind as he put the money away in the cash register. Just as he put the last of the money away, another customer walked in.
This time it was a girl with dark blue hair in twin tails and brown eyes, wearing a bartender’s skirt, vest and blouse. She put out a cigarette she had in her mouth as she walked in.
“Hey,” she said in a monotone voice.
“Um, hey?”
“I need something strong so I can get through my job tonight.”
“Okay, how about an Americano?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Nico started to work on it.
“So, what’s your job?”
“I’m a bartender at VA-11 HALL-A,” she told him.
“I think I heard about that place, isn’t it run by some insanely strong white haired chick with a robotic hand?”
“Yes, that’s my boss. It runs in her family, being insane at something. She’s insanely strong while her brother is just insane.”
Nico gave her the fresh cup, she then pulled out a flask and poured some alcohol into it before drinking.
“Still, you look really young to be someone that works at a bar.”
She sent a small glare at him. “Is it because of my cups?”
“W-What? N-NO! It’s, you look really good.”
‘Smooth Nico,’ both he and Makoto actually thought.
“It’s fine, thanks to my robotic lung and liver, neither alcohol or smoking will affect me, can still get drunk though, just takes a lot of drinks at one setting.”
“That’s pretty cool.”
“You have no idea.”
She quickly finished her cup and pulled out her money, leaving a small tip for him.
“I understand the thing with living off tips, hope you can get out of this dump someday.”
“I don’t mind, Daddy’s really nice to me.”
This comment got both of the girls’ attention.
“…Daddy?”
“Yeah, I call him that since I live here with him, he keeps telling me not to call him that, especially in front of people but I don’t listen.”
“Oh thank god I thought he was forcing you to be a sexy slave.”
“Daddy would never do that, I know that he loves me, I just know it.”
“….If you say so.” She then left.
Nico went to work cleaning the cup. Right as he was done, the door opened.
“Hello, and welcome to Leblanc, how may I-.”
“Oh what a quaint little café down here, oh but the location is just terrible. My this reminds me of the old places I worked in my youth. Oh what I wore to get the boys’ attention as I served piping hot cups of jo to those pretty boys and-.” The person talking was a old lady in a police uniform, talking none stop.
Nico started to tune her out, getting back to work at cleaning.
“Hey what’s the big idea whippersnapper,” she said, her face looking like a piranha. “how dare you ignore an old lady as she retells the stories of her youth. My word, kids today have no idea how to treat their elders, back in my day I gave all of my respect to my-.”
Nico tried to tune out this windy old bag (pun intended) which worked, but it didn’t for his class president, who was being overwhelmed by this rant.
“-not unlike my Edgey-boy, my do I want to strap him down, get lathered up in coco-butter and-.”
“Sorry but, can I get you anything?”
The piranha face came back on. “And now you’re interrupting me, you disrespectful whippersnapper. But I guess I do need to get back to stalking my Edgy, so I need an Grande caramel macchiato, and don’t hold off on the sugar, need a good pick me up. While back in my day-.”
Tuning her out, Nico got to work on her cup. Remembering the note about the ‘special stuff,’ he went and grabbed a tablespoon of the white stuff from the top shelf.
With the drink finished, he went and handed her the cup.
“Now that’s quick service, back in my day it usually took a good half an hour to get a cup of jo.” She then took a sip of her drink. “And even then the truly good tasting cup took a whole-.”
At that moment, she fell back in her chair, landing on the floor out cold.
Nico just looked at the unconscious form of the old hag, not worried because he didn’t care about her, and because he could see her breathing.
“Do you think we should call someone?” Makoto asked, trying to disguise her voice.
“Naw, I think she’s fine Makoto.”
“W-Who is this M-Makoto you speak of, my name is, Illia, Asuna, Lucy, Naegi, Illia Asuna Lucy Naegi, yeah that’s my name.”
‘Yeah, and my name is Akira Kurusu.’
“Plus, I really don’t care what happens to her.”
“Agree with that, surprisingly,” she muttered.
Nico turned towards the door, waiting for the next customer, knowing another one was going to show up for some reason soon, call it a hunch (read as ‘ultimate bullshit’). And he was right, as a little boy with brown hair wearing a blue tunic and red cape, a stick and book in one hand, a doll of some sort of yellow and green creature in the other.
“Well hello there.”
“Hi there mister,” the boy said. “I, was, told that you serve a cup of coffee with, special stuff in it.”
“Oh, yeah, I guess?”
“Well, could I have some?”
“Sorry, but I’m not supposed to give it to children.”
The boy let out a sigh, sounding like annoyance and relief. “See, I told you I wouldn’t be able to order it.”
There was then silence, Nico looking around to see who the boy was talking to.
“I don’t see how it would make me even a good wizard, let alone ‘debeste’ wizard, which I already am.”
Again, silence.
“Shut up Mister Drippy, you know I am, I already beat everything in your world at least once,” this time he said to the doll.
“Um, are you okay?” Nico asked.
“Hang on I’m talking to the voices,” the boy replied. “No, I don’t know why there’s an old lady passed out on the floor. Why do you even hope she’s dead?”
‘Okay, this kid needs help.’
“Sorry, we were just having an, argument. I just need a Grande Vanilla Frappuccino.”
Nico started to get to work on the order.
“Because I don’t like plain coffee like you, and I don’t think they have bagel flavored either.”
Ignoring the clearly disturbed child, he got to work finishing up his order.
“And here you go,” Nico said, handing him the drink.
“Thank you.” The boy started to drink it but stopped. “No you can’t have any Mister Drippy. If you want some, get your own…..Fine. Can I have another one for Mister Drippy?”
“…..Sure.” ‘Hey, money is money,’ he thought as he went to making another one.
“Happy now, now I have to pay for two….Well of course I’m not going to share mine.”
“And here you are, um, Mister, Drippy?”
The boy grabbed it and put it in the hands of the doll, then giving the money to Nico. However, as Nico was putting the money in the register, he didn’t notice the Frappuccino was going down, disappearing. Makoto, however, did. Her jaw dropped at what she was seeing.
“Thank you Mister…Come on Mister Drippy, say thank you….do it or I’ll have you carry the cauldron again….see was that so hard.”
The boy walked out, Makoto still watching them, slack jawed and confused.
“You alright?” Nico asked.
“….No, I don’t think I am.”
“Well maybe the next customer that walks in will be normal.”
“TANTOR!”
*crash*
“…Welp I stand corrected.”
At the door, was a tall muscular man with a big nose wearing a backwards black and yellow hat and a grey tank top with the words ‘TANTOR’ on it. However, behind him, was a huge man shaped hole in the wall.
‘Oh man, Daddy is going to be so mad.’
“Well hello there sir, you know there’s a door to your right?”
“TANTOR!”
“….Right, I’m going to have to have you pay for that along with your order.”
“TANTOR!”
“…..Why am I not surprised, what can I get you?”
“TANTOR!”
“Son of a bitch.”
“Yes, both of us are that.”
At that moment, actually using the door, was a boy with tanned skin and brown hair, having a Saitama like expression on his face.
“Trying to talk to him like talking to a brick wall…actually it’s probably easier to talk to a brick wall,” the boy explained. “Anyway, he needs a lemonade and I need a strong Tapu Cocoa with extra 1% Moomoo Milk.”
“Sure thing.” Nico was easily able to take care of the make the drink and just took a lemonade from the fridge, almost grabbing a HETAP by mistake.
“Here you go, have a good day.”
“I would, but I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for over 358 days.”
“TANTOR!”
“Shut up dad.”
The two walked off, leaving the money for the drinks and wall as they did.
“Okay, what is with this place?” Makoto asked.
“I don’t know, usually we just have that weird annoying guy, that one couple, and the weird doctor from down the street who I test medicine for,” was Nico’s reply.
“Oh…..Wait, What?”
Before she could get her answer, a brown haired girl walked in, looking a lot like some sort of fashionista with her brown and black outfit with her impressive looking purse, having a beret on her head and a pair of dark sunglasses on her face.
“Sup,” she said. “I’m here to test the special cups you serve.”
“Are you sure, I mean, a guy I served it earlier took it well but,” he looked over to the still out cold old bag. “she didn’t.”
“Psst, no matter what coffee, I can take it. I’m not the leader of team CFVY for nothing.” She slammed four big stacks of hundreds on the counter. “Make them extra large and keep them coming.”
“Whatever floats your boat.”
Nico started to set up the cups with whatever the special stuff is, wondering what was going to happen.
The girl took the first one and started to chug it down. After five minutes she finished it.
“Ahhh, that’s pretty good, but also pretty strong, stronger then that stuff Ozpin and Ironwood drinks, don’t even get me started what Professor Oobleck drinks.”
She took the next cup and chugged it, taking less time to finish it. After about an hour of making her coffee and her drinking 69 cups of coffee, she was visibly shaking.
“I, think you’ve had too much to drink,” Nico told her.
“WhatAreYouTalkingAboutIFeelGreatGreatGreatGreat,” she said quickly. “WowThisIsSoSoGood, HowComeI’veNeverHadCoffeeThisGoodBefore, MaybeIt’sIllegalButWhyWouldItBeIllegal, MaybeDoToWhatThisSActuallyIs.”
“Yeah you’ve had too much.”
“I’llTellYouWhenI’veHadTooMuvhToToDrink,” she replied, slamming her 70th drink. After she slammed her cup down, she fell face first into the counter, snoring loudly (looking like when Streaming-Chan was knocked out).
“Seriously, what is this special stuff?” Makoto asked.
“I’m too afraid to taste it myself.”
“Well I think it might actually be illegal, I mean, besides that one guy, everyone who has been drinking it has fainted, if I knew better, I’d say you were giving them-.”
“Wait,” Nico said, starting to hear something that made him think of victory music. “Do you hear something?”
Makoto nodded, as the sound of a speeding car could be heard as ‘La La La la Laaaa’ could be heard as part of the music. “Yeah, it sounds like-.”
At the moment a blue and red three wheeled vehicle crashed into the door, effectively destroying it. On the top was a white orb head with a sort of creepy face in it, which slowly turned to look at Nico.”
“Hello, I’m Emil.”
“....That’s all you’re going to say, after busting down Daddy’s door?” he exclaimed.
“Opps, sorry. I accidently accelerated instead of braked.”
“I noticed.”
“So do you want to buy some weapons?”
“Why the flying fruity f—k would I pay you for something, you should be paying me for the damages you caused.”
“Oh, yeah, ah yeah, totally, just let me grab my wallet…”
“You don’t have any hands.”
“…..Hey look booty booty butt cheeks,” he yelled out as a distraction. It didn’t work, but he quickly backed out of the hole and drove off.
“….God damn it.”
“Excuse me, are you open?” a timid male voice said.
Walking into view was a boy with black hair and weird eyes colored both orange and green, wearing a white shirt with orange suspenders.
“Surprisingly,” Makoto muttered.
“Yes, just ignore the multiple holes in the wall,” Nico told the boy.
“Not the weirdest thing I’ve seen, but I need a simple cup, maybe a little sugar and a dash of milk.”
“Okay, simple enough,” Nico said getting to work.
“You recognize her? I’m not surprised, but why is she knocked out? If I ask, it might jeopardize our mission,” he whispered to himself, neither of the other two conscious people inside noticed. “Asking him that won’t cause suspicion though.”
“Excuse me, sir, but the café, is it named after the writer Maurice Leblanc?” the boy asked.
“I’m not sure.” ‘Not that it’s already a funny and weird coincidence to me,’ Nico thought as he finished the cup up.
“Thanks.” The boy pulled a few bucks out and put them down to pay for it. He was about to take a sip when…
“Dreadful, simply dreadful that someone would harm such a holy place of drinking.”
Zipping in was a man with green hair and big glasses, wearing a dress suit and tie. Over all he looked like a professor.
“Doctor, actually, which I’m going to have to remind Miss. Adel sometime when she’s awake.”
Don’t you f—king dare, I will not tolerate this, I will not hesitate to-.
“Why did you explain that you’re a doctor to me?” Nico asked.
Right, he can’t hear me, let’s move this on.
“Alright then. I need a few liters of coffee to fill my thermos, it takes a lot of caffeine to run all the way across the country,” the man said.
“Caffeine!” the girl yelled out suddenly. “I’m Caffeine. I’m a baaad, dream, I’m a raaad scene, I’m a taaad mean, but I’m nooooot…” She then blacked out again.
“What was in her coffee?”
“I fear if I gave you any we’d all die,” Nico told him, filling up the thermos.
“I see, it must be pretty strong stuff.”
“Hey dudes,” a man said walking in, having a voice that was extremely annoying, but it also could have been due to his stupid face and brown pointed hair, or even because of his orange jacket.
“Ew, why does it smell so bad now?” Makoto asked, holding her nose.
“Yeah it smells like a butt,” Nico commented.
“What? I just showered before leaving home,” the new man commented.
“I’m sorry but I can’t serve you sir.”
“What, look I’m sorry I smell bad, might be from my Butz genes, but I demand service.”
At that moment, a faint sound could be heard from outside, sounding like a nerdy voice repeating ‘Hot Hot Hot’ and coming closer.
“Hey, what’s that?” the man said.
“I dunno, but the voice sounds as annoying as your voice,” Nico commented.
“Hey that’s too mean.”
But true.
“I have to agree.”
“Look man, I have a hard life, do you know how hard it is being the Butz of the joke? It sucks and no one respects me, no one give me respect, and I demand some God damn respect-.”
*crash* “HoT HOT HOt Hot hot hot!” *crash*
A purple, grey, and gold blur then zoomed through the store, two bloody spurt sounds were heard between the crashes.
“What, the balls, was that?” Makoto asked.
At that moment, the annoying voiced guy was split in have, both falling to the ground.
“I see, someone to test my speed against,” the other man said, grabbing his thermos, putting some money down, taking a few glugs, and then dashing off after the blur.
“….Wait what was the cause of the other sound?” Nico asked.
“Well,” Makoto said, causing Nico to look over the counter, seeing the bisected body of the old hag.
“We should call the police.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think anyone will care that they’re dead, right kid?”
He turned and found the kid was gone, his drink empty.
“Did you see the kid leave Makoto?”
“N-no, and it’s Illia.”
“You know what, I’m starting to be so done with today.”
“Hey sluts,” a gangster voice said. “Guess who broke out of prison.”
Nico turned around, and had to do a double take at what he saw. When he heard the gangster voice, he imagined a big tanned guy with scars on his face and a acorn (technically apple) beanie. Not some young cinnamon bun looking kid with short blonde hair and pink eyes, even wearing a school uniform.
“Wait, big Daddy S isn’t here, well that entrance sucked,” he said, walking up to the counter. “Sup homes, name’s Nagisa Hazuki, and I have a message for Big Daddy S from Easter Dave.”
“Well Daddy’s not here right now, but I can leave a message,” Nico told him.
“Fine. Just tell him Easter Dave needs his payment or he’ll burn this place down while he sleeps,” Nagisa told him.
“But I live here.”
“Not surprising, he has fifteen days to pay him back. Also, tell him the new order of special stuff is in the usual place. You got all that?”
“Yep.”
“Good, now I have to go rob a Chucky Cheese with an ice pick so I can show up to Haru’s birthday on time, hopefully Makoto has the cake ready.”
“What?” Makoto asked.
“Wrong Makoto, Komaru. Anyway, later bitches.”
And with that Nagisa left.
“Okay, I need to leave while I have my sanity still intact,” Makoto said and heading to one of the new exits.
“See you tomorrow Makoto,” Nico said.
Makoto was about to say something, but just stayed quiet and left.
“….She still scares me.”
His phone started to ring. He looked at it, seeing that it was from Sojiro, so he answered it right away.
“Hi Daddy!”
“God damn it stop calling me that,” Sojiro said on the other line. “Anyway, how’s the shop?”
Nico started to sweat, he didn’t want to disappoint Daddy, but he had to tell the truth.
“I’m sorry Daddy,” he said in a crying voice. “I really am, but some guy just walked right through the wall, and some robot thing crashed into the door, and some people that no one would care about are dead and, and-.”
“Stop, I get it, and don’t worry about it. It happens all the time. All, the fucking, time.”
“Oh thank god Daddy, I thought I was going to disappoint you.”
“You already do.”
“Oh yeah, some kid said something about a payment to an Easter Dave…”
“Ah shit, knew I was forgetting something. Look, I’m going to be late coming back, so I need you to lock up.”
“You can count on me Daddy!”
“God damn it,” Sojiro said before hanging him.
On the other line, Sojiro was holding his face in his hand.
“Anyway, where were we?” he asked.
“I believe you were going to, discipline me,” Miss Kawakami said, dressed in her maid outfit, starting to strip down.
“Oh yeah, now,” Sojiro said pulling out a bunch of dollar bills. “Who’s your daddy?”
Back at Leblanc, Nico shivered for some reason.
“I should probably call someone to fix that and then close up,” Nico said to himself.
“Well hello there Nico,” a certain crazed voice said.
Nico looked up to see a white haired teen in a grey-green hoodie standing at the counter, giving him a huge smile.
“Oh, uh, hello?”
“Let’s cut to the case Nico, it’s me Komaeda, and I need 50 tons of bagels,” the teen said.
“I’m sorry but we don’t serve bagels here.”
“Oh Nico you silly goober, you don’t seem to understand, I need 50 tons of bagels.”
“And I said we don’t serve bagels.”
“No no no Nico, you really, and I mean really don’t seem to get it.”
After Komaeda said that, he started to laugh, that insane laugh we all know and love as Nico’s vision started blur, almost like static as it focused and went closer to the laughing bagel freak.
His vision became more, and more, and more out of focus until….
The screen went black.
..
….
……
Nico just stood there, looking at his TV screen, not understanding what just happened. He quickly pulled out all the cords in is PS4 and TV and then took the disc out to inspect it. Nothing seemed to be wrong with it.
“What the flying fruity f—k was that,” Nico commented. “Was that some new DLC? A glitch? No, there’s no way for it to be possible.”
“Oh but you’re wrong Nico.”
The TV then came back on, the loading screen for the PS4 homepage coming up. Nico was freaking the f—k out now, there was no way it should be showing anything, let alone his PS4 home.
The screen turned black again, but it didn’t stay that way for long, as this showed up on it:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AXhYK…
“No, No, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”
Even in space you could hear Nico’s scream as the earth then exploded into a bunch of little bagels, and out of the blast a giant bagel of Komaeda’s head was left where the earth was, with the moon becoming a middle finger.
The End, everyone died.
--
Cast:
NicoBel Bizzel-Kun the Dino Shizzel, Makoto Illia Asuna Lucy Naegi, Godot, Jill, Oldbag, Oliver Debeste, Mister Drippy, TANTOR (TFS Gaming), Larenti (TFS Gaming), Coco Adel (RWBY), Emil, Oscar (RWBY), (Mr.) Professor “Doctor” Oobleck (see what I did there? No?) (RWBY), Larry Butz, Running Morsihge, Nagisa Hazuki (50% Off (Free Abridged)), Daddy Sojiro, Miss Kawakami, Ultimate Bullshit Komaeda, NicoB.
--
Well that was a thing. I’m not sure where exactly I got this idea, probably somehow got it from Godot cause ever since he’s first shown up, he appears in almost anything (like Komaeda).
And being the infinite insane person I am, I decide to have multiple interactions, including ones Nico probably doesn’t even know of. I blame Soul for the part with Tantor and Larenti (meanwhile where ever Soul is right now “…..How Dare”). Have fun figuring out why Makoto gave that long fake name
Plus, what Coco was saying before she blacked out again, reference